Obama Picks Rambo For Chief-of-Staff

In a stunning departure from his campaign message of hope and unity, President-elect Barack Obama tapped macho movie star, Sylvester Stallone to be his right-hand man in his new administration. Stallone, who starred in the hugely popular Rambo movies, is known for his bare-knuckled, take-no-prisoners, testosterone-fueled approach to solving conflicts, preferring to use dynamite and knives as his primary tools of persuasion. He is expected to bring his unique style to implementing the new President's agenda on Capitol Hill.

Senior Obama advisors could barely contain their shock when they heard the sudden news. "Why Stallone?" wondered one high-ranking aide who spoke on the condition of anonymity. "He has zero legislative experience, beyond testifying on the Hill about his steroid use. What could Obama have possibly seen in him?"

Another operative was equally bitter: "It's clear that Obama just wanted some prominent biceps in the White House. But, why not go for someone with a lot more political experience, such as Arnold Schwarzenegger? Obviously, we didn't know Obama as well as we thought we did."

But, some in the new administration enthusiastically praised the pick. Vice President-elect Joe Biden: "Let me tell you something. Sly Stallone is going to totally revolutionize the way we do things around here. There will be no more excuses for not getting things done. Let me say that again: No. More. Excuses. If Sly hears any whining, pffttt. Off with their heads."

On the Republican side, fear was palpable. "I can't believe the new President is going to be so mean," said one prominent lawmaker tearfully. "We were prepared to give him our utmost cooperation during the initial 1 month honeymoon, but now he is clearly going to break our arms any time we don't go along with what he wants." Several others planned on resigning immediately, rather than risk their lives in dealing with what promises to be a highly confrontational presidency.

Stallone, or, Rambo, as he prefers to be called, spoke at a press conference following the announcement, but was mostly unintelligible.